Flashback

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the first 48 hours after Dax was born and remembering all of the emotions that we went through in those first 2 days.

I still remember that day in the hospital like it was yesterday, sometimes I wonder if it will always be like that. If 25 years from now, I'll still be able to remember that day just as if it had happened the day before. That morning, the nurses came in to tell me that my mid-wife, Sameerah, was going to wait to start the induction around 11am. After they left, I started crying, and Derek - being the amazing husband he is - rushed to my side to see what was wrong. I finally told him that I was scared to death of the pitocin and being induced. I was so worried that it would hurt so bad that I would need an epidural, that I wouldn't be able to have an all natural birth like I had hoped. Derek took my hand and prayed with me that God would lead that birth and that He would help us through the induction and that my fears would be removed.

Shortly after, Derek and I were talking about the fact that we were going to actually become parents that day, that we would soon be seeing our little baby boy. We would finally be able to see what he looked like, and hold him in our arms. I don't remember this, but Derek does, apparently I looked up at him and was all excited, telling him "we get to meet him today!!"

I remember the labor and the pain, and I remember that it was close to 3:00pm when the contractions finally started to hurt. Derek and my mom were at my side, coaching me through it, reminding me to relax, applying hot water bottles and pressure on my back as needed. Right around 5pm it was time to push. Just after 6pm I experienced the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life, to say that I was screaming is an understatement. At 6:18pm we finally met our little boy, Dax. I remember being so elated and happy and of course RELIEVED (mainly because I was no longer pregnant). I couldn't believe that in my arms was my son, my beautiful and perfect son. It felt so right and natural.

We left Monday evening around 9pm, in hindsight, I wish we had stayed the additional night at the hospital. Before we went home, we headed to CVS to pick up some much needed pain meds, only to find out that at 9:20pm their pharmacy (which was closing at 10pm) was no longer filling prescriptions. This brought me to tears, so over to Meijer we went. Their pharmacy was closed, but my husband asked a guy who was behind the desk if there was any chance he would fill my RX's. The guy asked Derek what they were for and he told them, and told the guy that I had just had a baby. So the worker said sure, even though they had been closed for 30+ minutes. We headed home and promptly turned the heat on, even though it wasn't cold inside. We decided to barricade ourselves in the bedroom and shut the cats out. The cats went crazy, they were pawing at the door and meowing...they wanted to meet Dax and they were not happy to be excluded. They kept pawing the door open, so at one point we had 2 laundry baskets and a suitcase shoved against the door to keep it shut.

At some point in the evening, Dax started crying, and he wouldn't stop crying. We couldn't figure out what was wrong. We tried everything, but when he continued to cry this brought me to tears (again!), because I couldn't fix what was wrong, I didn't even know what was wrong!! After about 2 hours, Derek was changing Dax's diaper, and Dax peed all over him - after that, the crying stopped. We realized that he was crying because it was painful to pee with his circumcision.

I look at my baby now and he is more than double the size he was at birth. He's grown in so many ways, but when I look down at his sweet face, I can still the first time I met him all over again.