Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sleepless days, nights, and zero patience left

It's one of those times in our lives right now where it just seems that all the sh@t has hit the fan. Nothing seems to be going right or well, and every day feels like an uphill battle that never ends. I've done my best to try and keep a good attitude and focus on all the great and positive things we do have in our lives, but honestly I'm sick of trying to be positive, sick of dealing with crap, and sick of things not changing.

Dax is the perfect child, except when we're trying to put him down for a nap or for the night. Then this little monster unfurls, and he screams and screams and screams, and doesn't stop. Then, once he's asleep for the night, he wakes up 2, 3, 4, 5, sometimes even 6 times each night. Derek doesn't always hear him, but I do - I get up with him nurse/rock him back to sleep and try to keep sleeping myself. I'm exhausted. 4 months ago he was sleeping through the night, 10-12 hours easily, and then all of the sudden he stopped. I HATE bedtime now, I dread it every day because it is such a fight with Dax. He locks his body up, thrashes everywhere and screams like he's in the most amount of pain he's ever encountered before. Nothing calms him down except to take him out of our bedroom and let him keep playing. Usually this results in him not going down for the night until 9:30 or 10pm. The later he goes to bed, the more times he wakes up during the night. Funny thing about that, is that no one that lives with me understands this, so when I try to put him down earlier I get major flack (sorry hubs it's true though), and I am sick of it.

I have zero patience left, I love my son, I really do, but I'm exhausted. I have no idea what's wrong and why he's been doing this, but it's progressively gotten worse over the past 5 months. I feel incompetent as a mother, and irritated with myself for being so frustrated with a 9 month old child. I need a break, but can't get one because he's not ready to be away from his mom at night and we're still breastfeeding. I wish he could talk, or I could read his mind to know why bedtime has become the battle that it is. It feels like we have a toddler with all of the tantrums he throws at night. Here's looking forward to him being old enough to spend the night at my parent's house so I can get a break!


  1. Hey girly girl - I know your pain. If you want to talk please email/call me. 734-330-4476.

    Sadly it got to the point with Logan that we had to let him cry it out at bedtime. It was horrible the first two days. Lasted 22 minutes the first and 16 the next and then nothing after that. I know it is horrible and Logan was about 10 months when we first did it. I'm not saying DO IT - but it is an option. I know a lot of parents say NO to cry it out, but I know the craziness you feel when you don't sleep.

    I'll be praying for you guys and I hope things improve VERY soon!

  2. Thanks Lindsey - we actually tried CIO for 2 weeks straight, we did the one where you don't go in or anything (we'd peek in w/o him seeing us to make sure he wasn't choking or stuck somehow), you just let them cry till it's over, and it did not work, we finally gave up because we were all miserable. Our current living situation has us all in the same bedroom, so it makes trying new things a little difficult these days....I know it's just a phase and I keep telling myself that but I feel like it's just getting worse

  3. I'm so sorry Dax is still not back to sleeping through the night! Have you talked to your doctor (I think I remember you were looking for a new doc, did you find one?) about it? Could he have reflux or maybe something your eating now that you weren't before? I'm sure you've already gone down the list many times but maybe new eyes might shed new light? I would really talk to your doctor about it and I hope they can help (maybe the new one or yet a different one?).

    Here's to the 3 of you getting a full nights rest from here on out. And if you ever need someone to talk to i'm here...i'm always here.

  4. hey arwen~ i am still feeling your pain. joshua gets up several times a night. he has never slept through the night, well, maybe a couple times. :} dax is probably teething...joshua teethed (is that a word) for months before he even got teeth. keep fighting girl, and loving on your baby. this stage won't last forever. these baby boys just need comfort from their mommies all night long. :P

  5. we are in the EXACT same situation, perfect sleeper then BAM nightmare waker. Don't feel like a failure! You can only do so much, hopefully soon we can look back on this time and say "remember when those boys wouldn't sleep?" Hang in there! I am trying myself, and its hard when John works late and I never get a break, can't even go to the bathroom by myself because this boy is so attached! I don't know how many times I've had to put Sean in the crib to scream just because I need a few minutes to gain composure! Just remember you are not alone and we feel for you!