It's one of those times in our lives right now where it just seems that all the sh@t has hit the fan. Nothing seems to be going right or well, and every day feels like an uphill battle that never ends. I've done my best to try and keep a good attitude and focus on all the great and positive things we do have in our lives, but honestly I'm sick of trying to be positive, sick of dealing with crap, and sick of things not changing.
Dax is the perfect child, except when we're trying to put him down for a nap or for the night. Then this little monster unfurls, and he screams and screams and screams, and doesn't stop. Then, once he's asleep for the night, he wakes up 2, 3, 4, 5, sometimes even 6 times each night. Derek doesn't always hear him, but I do - I get up with him nurse/rock him back to sleep and try to keep sleeping myself. I'm exhausted. 4 months ago he was sleeping through the night, 10-12 hours easily, and then all of the sudden he stopped. I HATE bedtime now, I dread it every day because it is such a fight with Dax. He locks his body up, thrashes everywhere and screams like he's in the most amount of pain he's ever encountered before. Nothing calms him down except to take him out of our bedroom and let him keep playing. Usually this results in him not going down for the night until 9:30 or 10pm. The later he goes to bed, the more times he wakes up during the night. Funny thing about that, is that no one that lives with me understands this, so when I try to put him down earlier I get major flack (sorry hubs it's true though), and I am sick of it.
I have zero patience left, I love my son, I really do, but I'm exhausted. I have no idea what's wrong and why he's been doing this, but it's progressively gotten worse over the past 5 months. I feel incompetent as a mother, and irritated with myself for being so frustrated with a 9 month old child. I need a break, but can't get one because he's not ready to be away from his mom at night and we're still breastfeeding. I wish he could talk, or I could read his mind to know why bedtime has become the battle that it is. It feels like we have a toddler with all of the tantrums he throws at night. Here's looking forward to him being old enough to spend the night at my parent's house so I can get a break!