Tuesday, June 1, 2010


It's 11:59pm and once again I am unable to sleep. Derek and Dax are peacefully sleeping in the room next to me, and I'm wired as if I had drank a 2 liter of mountain dew today. When I lay down and close my eyes, I have annoying songs that are on repeat that start running through my mind (why oh why does it have to be a britney song?!), and when I try to block those songs with peaceful images of the beach and France, my mind starts to wander. I start thinking about my day, things I would have changed, things that I want to forget, and moments that I want to hang on to. When that is over, I start to write my life story. I've probably written a hundred chapters in my mind. I always thought it would make a nice 7 or 8 book series one day - the only problem is that I can't come up with a title or an appropriate pen name. See, I wouldn't bare my soul for all the world to hear and actually use my real name, that would be far too embarrassing. Other times, instead of writing out my life story, I start to write letters to Dax. I've been working on his 7 month old letter in my head for some time now, and if I discipline myself tomorrow, I'll finally write it out on paper. I find that my best inspirations come to me when I'm trying so hard to fall asleep and yet can't manage to drift off. I should probably keep a notebook by my bed and write down what comes to my head, but that would really put a damper on my attempts at sleeping! My body has programmed itself to stay awake until Dax has woken up. see, he's been waking up somewhere between 10:30-11:30 pm lately, and until he's woken up and then rocked back to sleep I cannot shut down. Funny thing is, tonight he hasn't woken up yet and tonight will be the night that he will give me a belated mother's day gift and sleep 9 hours for me. Off to try and enter the dreaming world once more....

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